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- ―Lex Luthor
Lex Luthor just wants to be Superman's best friend. He spends most of his time trying to get Superman to notice him. Sending wave after wave of exploding friendship robots to his friends and loved ones. The greatest tragedy of Luthor's life is, for all of his innovations in science, he can't cure his own hair.
Like most people who appear in Superman's life, Lex Luthor had something to do with Smallville. He grew up friends with Clark Kent, Pete Ross, Lana Lang and the whole gang. Of course, it didn't help that he was an emo. Something about an abusive father or something. He was Dmitri Yuriev's best bud, but he didn't get to star in Xenosaga. He should be glad, but he's not. Stupid Lutor (intentionally misspelled).
Or maybe he grew up in Suicide Slum in Metropolis? Thanks a lot John Byrne, this could've been a one paragraph section. He might've been an orphan who got adopted by a gold-digging child abuser who was interested in his inheritance, and killed his one true love. Maybe. Thus, Lex Luthor's past remains mainly contradictory.
And yet, Luthor grew up into a fine young gentleman. A fine young gentleman with exploding robots at his disposal and the will to use them. Founding LexCorp, he became a super bajillionaire and was the envy of bajillions. However, his morally questionable methods of killing orphans who got in his way brought him under some mild amounts of legal scrutiny. Daily Planet reporter Lois Lane investigates his evilitude when he's not trying to pump her full of free drinks.
Meanwhile, the communist infiltrator of America, Superman, grew up and moved to Metropolis, where his steps to conquering the US really took fold. He made the city believe that he stood for all things American. Lex made friends with Superman for 'Truth, Justice, and the American Way' and worked with Superman for many months before discovering the real deal; Superman wanted to make the US communist.
Lex confronted Superman with a Kryptonite rifle, but the Man of Steel turned the gun on him, and shot his face. Now, Superman claimed that Kryptonite is harmless to everyone but him, which isn't quite true. If exposed to Kryptonite, the recipient will begin to lose hair, and if exposed to long, will contract a state of Mental Illness. Thus Lex lost his mind (and hair) and started criminal endeavors to kill and/or humiliate the man from behind the red curtain. This actually proved to help Superman's cause instead of hurt it, which infuriated the now insane Lex Luthor.
Like all of history's greatest men, even complete moral decay and a history of debilitating corruption complicated by a heart of pure evil wouldn't stop Luthor from becoming President of the United States. Lex Luthor seemed to regain his sanity and win presidency in the 2001 election, and began to make amends for his mistakes, starting with stripping the government of former KGB spies still stuck in the government and new Chinese spies. However, the Chinese didn't feel that he posed a threat with the American legal system until he put out an arrest warrant on the Man of Steel. At that point, Lex discovered the hard way that he was no infallible. His running mate and Vice President Hilary Blimpton, turned out to be a former NKVD member turned Chinese spy for hire, and exposed Lex to kryptonite once more, making him burn through the US citizens tax dollars to make a suit made of pure kryptonite to hunt down Superman. Eventually he was impeached for... you guessed it! Trying to kill Superman (Which was bad enough) and even worse, failing to kill the urban terrorist, Batman.
- Everybody knows that Lex Luthor wears a Kryptonite ring. Did you know that it's a Cock Ring?
- Lex Luthor keeps himself bald to remind him of the Hare Krishna every single day.
- Lex Luthor is bald because he learned how to freebase Kryptonite from Richard Pryor.
- He has never cried once, in his entire life. In case he ever does, he had his tear ducts replaced with more Kryptonite.
- The problem with "I can't believe it's not Kryptonite" is it tastes the same, but your mother can tell the difference.
- In Japan, Lex Luthor is called Rex Ruthor.
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